Friday, November 13, 2009,
Sometimes I hear people talking: "Wow that dress is so nice so cool, where did you buy it from?", "Hey bro sup, nice hair there, waxed it? Where did u buy those shoes man...", "Aww your legs are so long and sexy, i really like them darling..." etc etc.
Not wanting to sound like an overly critical critic (lol), but sometimes i wonder of the purpose and the depth of it all. That all these are simply catering to the superficial side of life, that these are so integral a part of life that one cannot do (or at least most people cannot) without small talk; does that somehow make life so shallow too?
That all the stuff that we chat about, having no purpose other than to know someone better and after you know someone better, what then? Getting to know more about the extrinsic than the intrinsic? How often do you hear, taking the train, eavesdropping in cafes, at churches or schools, anyplace: "Pal, just want to know, have you ever wondered how fortunate we are? That we everyday, we live in somebody's dream, all that we have and can do, others in other situations can only dream about..."
No way, the other party would (most likely) just think you're mad or trying too hard to be philosophical. Looks like the very fabric of society is built on relationships that exists mainly on the surface level, never proceeding beyond being mere 'chit chat friends' till times of adversity, where one really has to bare his/ her heart and soul to the friend, and in the process getting a helping hand (hopefully) and also building a lasting relationship that because of the calamity has drawn both parties closer together. (its been shown through countless scientific studies on the dynamics of relationships, that females who go through adversities with a male would feel very attracted to the male after the ordeal. Though not exactly widely published, same for male male friendship/ female female friendship. Just one of many studies that happen to prove my point). And so seldom, too seldom, do i hear conversations based on people who are reflecting together, thinking together, rather than just letting their minds and mouths go on autorun and blurt out the first thing that comes to their minds.
Think, why can't society think deeper and think more....
If all did, would singapore still be such a place where we are rude, inconsiderate, kia su, shallow, etc? definitely no, there would be a culture of more, cultured people, maybe just like japan; i wonder how the people interact there...
How i wonder...
But of course, there are people who are on the other end of the spectrum too... in everything they try to find philosophy, a meaning, an allegory, lessons. eg. some movie directors (esp some singaporean ones) that attempt to wring meaning out of their film, in a vain attempt to market their product as more, meaningful, worthwhile to watch, etc. poor them, they're like trying to squeeze blood from a stone, where the only blood they'll ever get is from their hands when they bleed from trying so hard. like some church goers who try to link everything back to God, all these only make them look lousy and like they're trying too hard. stimulates the entire stereotype that church people are too 'deep and boring', try too hard, etc.
all because many people try to be what they are not so, try to project a larger image of themselves than is true but when seen through only serves to make them seem so much smaller. perhaps being deep has to be natural, being analytical, critically thinking, philosophical, has to be a switch that's on 24/7, and what most people don't understand, can never be forced or trained out. thinking deeply, intelligence, depth of analysis etc, are all things that naturally are there or not in someone. never try too hard, like grabbing sand in the fist, the harder you grip, the more will sift out. in other words, we are just all born like that.
so well, back to topic of small talk. why does it seem that normal small talk is so shallow? i wonder sometimes, whether is this a natural, integral part of life that can never be avoided, that meeting someone who thinks deeply, analyses, and reflects a lot is akin to hitting a lottery; a pearl encased in the oyster of pretense that is always put up in the face of society, a solitary oyster lost in a sea of murky waters that is so vast and yet not deep. and when two of these people meet, they connect and transfer (and if you hear them talking, you go "wow"... if you can appreciate them in the first place)...
is talking in mild philosophy and analysis feasible in this everyday society? no, who has the ability to come up with a learning point everyday? lots of people learn something suddenly after years of doing the same thing then one day seeing the point of it all; perhaps, after all, shallow small talk is but a medium for one to relieve stress and gain temporary, quick, what i guess i consider 'cheap' even though it is not appropriate or right of me to do so, happiness. and to get to know the other person better.
and maybe that the fact that society is built on dialogues but not on philosophy (unlike in the renaissance times) makes it a more comprehensive and somewhat enjoyable place to be in. and maybe, just maybe, everyone is an oyster that is just waiting for the sand grain of adversity, for them to layer their calcium carbonate around the grain, and as the layers grows, as one reflects more, he will learn more, and eventually the grain of sand will become a pearl, a lesson borne out of adversity, that has made the person so much more beautiful intrinsically. I pray God, that it is so.
hoping to find the best and depth in everyone,
is just the boy with heart.
Sam
10:18 PM
